Dialogs March 2021

You never had that money. If you didn’t sell, you never had it.

That’s like licking an alligator’s butthole.

A man who drinks like you drink is going to die. Please don’t die.

Please remove the hokey-ass transitions.

I have no time for your noisy diseases.

Well, that’s incredibly shitty, and I wish you hadn’t told me that.

The jury has found you guilty of being a pindlybop. This is very confusing.

I wasn’t committed to anything. I didn’t know how to be committed to things.

Well, that was when we didn’t know. A lot has happened between the time we didn’t know and the time we did.

Yeah? So what? It’s your daughter. See your fucking daughter.

You’re all such wonderful friends.

Let’s not make this about this.

Look, if I ask you to take off your clothes and make it look good, you’re not going to be able to do it.

Maybe she wasn’t lying. Maybe I was actually awful.

If he didn’t mean it, he’s making that joke.

I try to be cool. But I’m not cool.

I want you to be okay. Will you please be okay?

I’m sorry, I thought we were showing each other our supplements.

Do you think I’m on drugs? I’m not; I’m just crazy.

It wasn’t premeditated; it was a math error!

We know it’s because you don’t love him.

Well, I’m already an idiot in your estimation; what’s the point of talking more?

Oh, honey, I didn’t say that. I didn’t say those things.

Sorry, I know how much you enjoy stringing me along, but I just can’t put up with it right now.

It’s just change, but I’m still winning.

Anybody else wanna say something?

You don’t like the fucking shit I say?

Show me the respect to tell me what’s up.

I don’t want to say it’s beautiful. Say it’s graceful instead.

Do you want this to be the thing that makes it so we don’t hang out anymore?

So if I seem a bit spiky, I am, but that’s not directed at you.

That didn’t happen in this dimension. But it did happen in a dimension.

Whatever it is you’re doing, stop it.

I want to squeeze you into a ball and stick you in my armpit.

No, it’s not stupid; you just didn’t understand it.

Watch your mouth, or every person in this building will die by my hand.

I’m kidding. They should be out any minute.

Yeah, well, I don’t like going to the store with you.

Please don’t hurt me; it was an honest mistake.

I’m a hermit. It’s not gainful employment, but it is employment.

Let me guess: you were a teenager when you wrote that.

Yeah, I know, I just wanted you to yell at me.

About the Dialogs