Dialogs April 2021

With all due respect, you don’t know me. So I need you to stop making dumbass assumptions that don’t apply.

I could tell that they were good, but I don’t like what it is.

When their fist smashed into my face, I came.

Here’s an extra twenty for being honest.

Everything was fucked up. It was exhausting.

I take back scratching very seriously.

I don’t understand. Please teach me so that I may understand.

I like the way you taste.

It’s obviously okay.

At that moment, I had to know, and so I found out the only way I could.

Basically, it said, “Yep! I’m gonna die. This is your warning.”

We have to manufacture an identity.

We will settle these insults on the field of unfair combat.

No, I’m sorry. I spoke too boldly.

You fucking tested me. Fuck you. Don’t fucking test me.

Are those for me?

Dude, I didn’t do it for you. _I_ wanted to write that.

Y’all are interfacing with something other than me, and I will not be a party to it.

Cut your dick off. Now.

I don’t know what to tell you, bud. Call somebody else, I guess. Sorry.

I really wish I could help, but I don’t wish hard enough.

I’m so sorry. I hope you know that if there’s something I can do, I’ll do it.

In the past eight years, you haven’t picked up on that?

I’m gonna go to the room.

Yes, well, you would say that, wouldn’t you?

This is getting a little too personal. Can we please get back to the book?

There are times when thinking about clawing your own face off is particularly unsettling.

Why are you yelling at me?

I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I forgot what location we were talking about.

Well, you have your assignments. Go work and get the fuck out of my face.

I can’t stop touching you.

I don’t mind that you think that.

That’s not really up to you, is it?

No, ice cream is frozen; that’s extremely valuable.

What planet do you live on that that is even feasible?

He is immune to all the catastrophes of life.

It was a mutual fuck-up, but ultimately, I think the blame lies with me.

Yeah, but that’s a hard line. That’s a hard line, man.

You shouldn’t be talking to me.

Excuse me? You will not rebuke me for following your fucking orders.

I know why you’re here. Do us both a favor and keep your fucking mouth shut.

I will kill you in the face.

I’m trying to figure out why you would think I would think that was funny.

No, that’s not going to work. I need teeth.

It can’t hold up all of its weight, but it can hold up some.

Okay, obviously I didn’t know that.

One more remark like that, and I’ll punch you until you cease to exist.

I could eat this entire spread by myself in an hour. All of it.

Whoa, whoa! Let’s take it slow and low.

There are changes in my bearing if I want to have sex with you.

That’s the most disturbing thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

So basically, you’re a seething termite column of resentment. Now we’re getting somewhere.

I promise to do things that you like.

It was like falling into a hog manure lagoon.

You know that’s a person, right? You’re gonna hurt his feelings.

I don’t care if she’s got an Instamatic!

Don’t play for it, you fool!

You are damaging the relationship every single time you take that tone with her. You are damaging the relationship.

Are you going to say something to hurt me?

Do what you gotta do, man; I don’t give a shit.

My problems are gonna be over. All of them will be gone.

Is that what you think this is about?

When the time comes, I’m not going to politely avert my eyes.

About the Dialogs