Somebody in Your Room

– So you’re saying there’s somebody in your room.

Yes. He is a man named Harold.

– And he’s been there as long as you can remember, and hasn’t gotten any older.


– What does he look like?

He’s about 5’8″, early thirties, maybe a hundred and eighty pounds, brown hair brown eyes. He wears khaki slacks and a tucked-in light blue polo shirt with a barbed heart logo. Sock-footed. Black socks. Close-cropped hair, stubble beard. Very friendly face, with a ready smile. The eyes can be intense sometimes.

– And what does he do in your room?

We hang out. He’s very adept at figuring out if I need to talk to somebody, and when I do, we’ll have conversations. Almost always helpful. When I don’t want to talk, he’ll sit somewhere nearby and we just hang. We like to play video games. It’s like being alone, without having to be alone. It is really nice. I’m very glad he is in my room.

– Does he ever leave the room?

I think he must, but I’ve never seen him leave it, and I’ve never seen him outside it. Sometimes I go in and he’s not there, but then I’ll wake up and he’s there. I’ve never seen him walk in or out the door. He’s just there most of the time I’m there.

– And how much time do you spend in your room with Harold?

Well, I sleep in my room, call that 9 hours. And I’m in my room awake for maybe 2-3 hours every day on top of that. So I guess about twelve hours in my room a day, usually with Harold.

– Does Harold sleep when you sleep?

There’s some overlap, but it’s not always one hundred percent I’m-up-he’s-up or I’m-down-he’s-down.

– Does he sleep in bed with you?

No, he sleeps in the bathtub.

– Does he wear pajamas?

No, he sleeps in his clothes. He never changes his clothes, and they never wear out or stink or anything.

– Do you wear pajamas?

No, I sleep in my underwear.

– Doesn’t all of this seem odd to you?

Lots of people sleep in their underwear, dude.

– No, I mean the fact that there’s a guy in your room who always looks the same and whom you never see enter or leave but sometimes he’s not there? Where does he go? How does he get there? Why doesn’t he age? Is he magic?

I’ll try to get this right. To answer your questions in order:

1) No, it doesn’t seem odd. This is how it’s always been.

2) I don’t know where he is when he’s not in the room.

3) I don’t know how he gets wherever it is. Hell, for all I know, he’s just really effective at hiding.

4) I don’t know why he doesn’t age.

And 5) I think probably he is. I mean, maybe he’s a ghost, but aren’t ghosts magic anyway?


I think I got it all right!

– Yeah, I think you did. You are a question-answering machine.

Far out.

– Has anyone else seen Harold besides you?

Oh, sure. Whenever I have friends in my room, Harold is there sometimes. He hangs out well with whoever I bring in there. It’s always a good time. Always? Not always. Most of the time. The overwhelming majority. I have a couple friends who come to my room to see Harold as much as me.

– Does that freak you out?

No, dude. Harold’s just this guy, you know? He’s almost always around, and it’s good when he is. Frankly, I don’t think it’s a good idea to scrutinize the situation overly. I don’t want to jinx it. Not that I really believe in jinxes, but can we change the subject?

– Yeah, man, I think this is our exit coming up anyway.