Dialogs December 2019

I know it’s going to ruin my life. But I’m going to enjoy it.

I’m sorry my head exploded and got blood on you.

It was probably intentional.

I don’t think I hurt anybody. But I can’t be certain.

I want it more now for its set-completion properties.

Oh, I see. So it’s okay for you to call me ignorant, but not okay for me to call you ignorant. Now we’re getting somewhere.

Is it possible that the facial deformities could be attributed to an injury sustained before, during, or after death?

That’s what I’m looking for. You pile that shit on.

You get used to it, and it saves a lotta time.

Look. You need to face up to the fact that it’s just a dog.

You don’t deserve me.

My take on everything was to take everything on.

Well, excuse the fuck out of me for caring about you. I’ll never make that mistake again.

Well, at least she’ll never forget me.

Hey, I don’t need this. Pull yourself together, or leave.

I am Joy’s bitch.

There is no shame in taking something that is freely offered.

You’re not the one making the bargains.

What you did was bad. You did not make the world a better place with that decision.

Just because I don’t do it doesn’t mean I’m not right.

If you’re out of tune, you’re playing a different song.

Probably not something good, I’m guessing.

Here, let me force your face down into this pan of shit.

No dice, fuck-bag. The music stays.

I’m not accustomed to showing my asshole to just anybody who asks to see it.

Okay, I screwed up, right? I forgot where I was. You don’t need to yell at me.

Yeah, she has five fingers on each hand, too.

Don’t kiss me; they’ll beat me.

You’re doing a weird talking thing where I don’t understand what you’re talking about.

Why in the fuck would I say that?

Chances of death are 100%.

I’m a talker, not a doer.

You can only speculate as to the level of my embarrassment. No-one knows but me.

Well, yes, but now I’m looking at it through the lens of not kissing your ass.

Let’s just say they are nutritionally beneficial.

It’s not easy, but it’s right.

Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Dude, why are you yelling at me? I just said, “Thank you,” and you’re yelling at me.

Oh, they’re lovely, of course. But why do you ask?

Okay, you’re obviously a moron. Please begone.

Well, it concerns the Crown of Thurreah.

About the Dialogs

Dialogs November 2019

I can’t stop talking. Somebody make me stop talking.

What, am I just supposed to intuit that?

Explain to me the ways in which we disagree, so that I may properly discount your opinions.

Do I look like I go to the fucking gym, man? Cut me some fucking slack.

I advise you to exert calm, loving discipline on all of your loved ones.

Yeah, but at least it keeps to itself.

I’m okay. Will you please shut the fuck up?

It was totally fucking unreasonable.

So you’re telling me, when Bill Gates goes to the doctor, he calls and schedules the appointment himself?

Once it’s been pointed out, you can’t unsee it.

In my mind I recognize that these ideas are bad. But I knee jerk to them every time.

My inner thighs would give anybody nightmares.

Hey, when you get this message, drop whatever it is you’re doing and come home immediately. If you do not do this, you will hate yourself for the rest of your life.

Dude, it’s a fifteen dollar ring. You can have it if it means that much to you.

You did not make it clear how much it meant to you. I was operating on faulty information.

Sorry, my control slipped. I’ve got problems.

I said no; I meant no. Stop fucking asking.

No, I gave it up. The drive evaporated.

Seventeen, not the best idea. You wanna be eighteen.

I’m not gonna pretend like it’s not a factor.

I am consummately uninterested.

Don’t flatter yourself. I wasn’t playing it for you.

You don’t know what you’re doing — but you’re gonna find out.

Pause it now if you wanna read this whole thing.

That’s fucked up? Why is that fucked up?

Oh, no need for ‘tude; I do not intend to hinder you.

You can think what you want; it’s not like I can stop you. But that’s not how it went down.

Will you please strip down to your socks, and then take your socks off?

If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have the nervous breakdown.

I see that this is a house of weird death. I must go.

Well, no, but this will not melt way more than stainless steel will not melt.

I like the song alright, but it’s really on the playlist for you.

You’re a snob; I get it. Can we please move on?

You are terrible at leaving. You must go and make candles.

I’m so sick it burns.

Ah, you’re flattering me. Thank you so much.

Everybody’s gonna die, but I don’t think you’re going to do it today.

I can’t handle it. The urge to murder is very, very, very strong.

Hey, it amused me. I liked it. And you’re just gonna have to fucking deal with that.

Sometimes when you got a problem, you gotta cuss at it. Good things will always come of that.

No? Why would you even ask me that?

You are supposed to tell the truth. If you tell the truth, you will suffer.

Then why did you say “chestnut” three times?

About the Dialogs

Dialogs October 2019

I assure you, sir, that I would not lie over so trivial a matter.

Let’s all sit around and gab about how goddamn happy we are.

It makes me happier than a dollop of whipped cream on the nose of Bambi.

It’s the thing where I refuse to break a confidence and you break up with me.

There’s a reason everybody thought I was a lunatic. It’s because I was a lunatic.

Yeah, I know what you’re saying. What’s more, you’re speaking my language.

Don’t worry about the cockroaches. They’re here to act as scenery. And to crawl all over you.

You are a fucking artist, and I mean that seriously.

You are absolutely wonderful in every way. You don’t have to believe me — but I’m right.

Resist the urge to amuse yourself.

Take your healing anywhere you can find it.

I don’t think how other people think. And it bites me in the ass over and over.

I want to nourish you.

I’m barely holding it together, man; don’t fuck with me!

Thank you, you sweet thing.

Because my head is so far up her ass, there’s no air for days.

If we leave it here, I’m never coming back. Do you want me to come back?

It was a joke, man. Now I’m going to die. Because of a joke.

It’s okay; I have nervous breakdowns all the time.

It doesn’t matter what it is, ’cause this is just the demo.

I don’t know. Usually Tuesday and Friday, I guess.

Don’t knock it. Flies get dirt.

I don’t like a spider that is big enough that you can aim for its head.

Look man, I’m not breaking the law, and I’m not antagonizing you in any way.

So this is how it begins.

It is clever, but I completely missed it.

This is the first time.

He was talking about you.

Well, you could laugh, ’cause it’s fucking funny.

I do still value your input, even though I know everything.

I’m thankful for everything you choose to share with me.

Look at you, all hot as shit.

About the Dialogs

Dialogs September 2019

You can pronounce it however you want. But you know in your heart that it’s “sap”. You can try to hide from that reality, but sooner or later you’re going to have to face it.

You’re forty-something years old! Get over yourself!

Cram it up your ass.

You are not a part of my life. Please leave.

That is when they exploit my weakness.

I promise you, everything’s going to be okay. We’ll get there.

Look, he won the fucking race, man. Respect. I mean, he beat me.

It averages out to about one outburst per month.

So, are you in? Are you go?

Ya wanna watch me pee?

You can try, but you’ll never guess in a million years. So I don’t recommend spending that much time on this.

We used to make fun of people like you.

Everything is okay now. Be at peace.

They always give her the rock-n-roll naked chick poses.

I didn’t mean any of it. I was joking the entire time.

These people are profoundly fucking toxic. It’s not my fault. They’re fucking toxic.

I’ve met people like that. They made me question the value of being alive.

About the Dialogs