Number puzzle

I don’t know how hard this is going to be. Not a clue, as a matter of fact. However, I figured I’d pose the question just in case. You’ll either say, “Oh, that’s fucking easy,” or you won’t be able to figure it out, or somewhere in between.

5, 4, 2. What’s the next number in the sequence?

Amazon Does It Again

So Amazon has this new product. They call it a Dash Smart Shelf. It’s basically a wireless-enabled scale. You set your products on the scale, and it automatically reorders whatever you’re running short on. The idea seems to be, you buy one for each product in your cupboard, and you just keep it there under your dogfood or whatever it is. When the dogfood gets light enough, it reorders. It’s got a battery that lasts two years; after that you have to get a plug-in power adapter. Or, I guess you have to replace the unit. They come in three sizes, and they’re all twenty bucks.

This is unbelievable. Can you imagine wanting this? I can’t. I wonder how it’ll sell. I’m sure there’s some case where this is actually useful and not a complete joke. I can’t think of any examples. I’m tired of being snarky right now, though. Pretend I go on for a paragraph or two, ranting about how this is useless and stupid. Pretend it’s really amusing.

Meanwhile, the wise-ass user reviews have already started to come in. Not very many though. 7 reviews total at the time of this writing. So this product is really seemingly not on anybody’s radar. And really, why would it be?

It’s easy to criticize. It’s easy to taunt. It’s not so easy to actually make a thing and bring it to the market. So I guess, kudos to the Amazon people. They’re always throwing shit at the wall, and that is admirable, in its way. Now if they could just stop treating their workers like shit…

Snippets

How do we create? Art is the most important thing. We create. We bring to life the visions in our minds. We have visions in the first place.

Humanity is really valuable. Every player has a story to tell. Sure, some of the stories are without value, maybe, but not very many, I’ll bet. This means at least six billion good stories running around living themselves out.

You have to be with yourself every waking moment. Your body is the interface between your will and reality. The body is the most important possession. The brain is part of the body.

Happy Halloween!

I’ve got this mask that goes well with my beard, and I thought I’d post a selfie. You’re welcome. Oh, and of course, happy Halloween! ‘Tis the season that is upon us. Let’s hope it rains candy corn this year. I’m going to get some when I go to the store tomorrow. Looking forward to that. Hope the coming days are splendid for you. That’s some beard, though, huh?

Baron Silas Greenback’s Multi-step plans for world domination

These are Dangermouse episodes. From the 80s. Nickelodeon. You know. Baron Greenback was the villain on that show, and he was always coming up with plans to take over the world. Plans which hilariously fail to stand up to scrutiny. Enough blabber. To the plans!

Lord of the Bungle
1. Turn all the elephants of the world into sugarcubes that will revert back to elephant form when moistened.
2. Put elephant cubes in the sugar bowls of all world leaders.
3. ???
4. Rule the world!

Chicken Run
1. Steal super-duper growth serum.
2. Create giant chickens whose eggs are normal sized.
3. Deliver the eggs to every doorstep with the morning milk.
4. Hatch eggs, unleashing superchicks on an unsuspecting public.
5. ???
6. Rule the world!

Ice Station Camel
1. Install a set of brakes on the north pole to stop the Earth’s rotation.
2. ???
3. Rule the world!

Die Laughing
1. Incapacitate the world’s leaders through use of gas that makes them laugh uncontrollably.
2. Unleash the deadly laughing gas on the world at large.
3. ???
4. Rule the world!

Custard
1. Drown the entire planet in instant custard.
2. Retreat to the moon.
3. ???
4. Rule the world!

Random Song Lyrics

“A Bite of That” as recorded by the Numb Chucks

If I handed you a dollar, would you
If I impersonated an octopus, would you

Would you, would you, oh
Would you, would you

If I started collecting vintage bell-bottoms, would you
If I took out an ad in the local paper that said, “Take this to the spinach plantation,” would you

Would you, would you, oh
Would you, would you
Would you give me a bite of that?